It’s pretty lonely in my condo at night. Just the dog, the occasional movie and me. It wasn’t always that way. Just a few months back there was a houseful of people-my son, my ex-wife, her daughter and myself. But they all moved out after the divorce in August.

Those first couple of months were rough. The divorce had to happen. Both of us were very unhappy. But it’s still a tough thing to go through. All I did was work and watch TV. I knew I had to find something to occupy my time or I was going to go insane. I also knew that the only way to rediscover happiness again was to take the bull by the horns and do it myself.

So that’s what I did. No more feeling sorry for myself. No more blaming the ex for all my woes. The only person who could make me happy was me. For years I waited around for happiness to fall in my lap. But I’ve learned it doesn’t happen that way. You have to go get it!

The first person I called was my old Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu coach. I used to love BJJ, but stopped after I separated my shoulder. Once it healed I was too busy trying to save my marriage to train.

Turns out my coach was sympathetic to my ordeal. He went through a divorce as well and had my back. Now I train as often as I can. This may sound like a cliché, but when I’m on the mat all my problems seem to disappear. I forget about the past and just focus on one thing-bettering myself on the mat.

So far it seems to be working. I’ve always struggled when I’m on my back, but have been slowly improving. I know I’ll never be the next Royler Gracie, but I don’t care. I have one goal:
 
To finally get that blue belt.
 
My coach, James Terry, a protégé of BJJ legend Saulo Ribeiro and Steve Maxwell, has been a huge help. He takes the time to answer my questions and deal with my mistakes. Occasionally the mistakes get to me, but I just tell myself they’re a natural part of trainingand life for that matter. I’ll never be afraid of making a mistake again. It’s how we learn and grow as human beings.

So what’s next after I get that blue belt?

To be honest, I have no idea. I may never train in BJJ again or I may keep going. Right now it doesn’t concern me. The only thing that concerns me is the goal I set for myself. Working towards my goals are the key to my happiness. It may not work for everyone, but it works for me, and that’s all that really matters.